#365 – What challenge taught you the most?
When teachable inversely correlates with enjoyable
We tend to wish life were a walk in the park. Yet if it were, what would we learn?
Last night, thoughts of my son's difficulties these past almost nine months kept me awake. What will happen once he's out? How will he fare in the job market? How will this period in jail mark him?
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" came, of course, to mind, but would that apply to my son?
I was falling back to my old tendency: if I controlled the situation, I could "save" him. That led me to ponder: should we ask him to pay back the $120K we've spent in this whole thing? What will he learn if we don't, and what if we do?
This is precisely where I need to stretch myself, where I grow: it's not about "teaching" him, or not only. It's about my own learning and evolution.
How do I grow by living through the challenges of:
Being the mother of an "incarcerated individual" (as the electronic voice in the telephone says)?
Welcoming my son back home after his time in jail?
Asking him to repay the money we've spent in his defense?
What he does, how he fares, how he feels when we ask him for the money back is NOT my business. Does this mean I don't care? No.
But I believe it's my duty as a human to grow and as a mother to model growth for my son––not to cushion any real or imaginary blows.
What life challenges taught you the most and when did you realize they were necessary?
Love,
Carolina
Carolina, your vulnerability truly touched me.
Your saying, “What he does, how he fares, how he feels when we ask him for the money back is NOT my business,” hit deep. They remind me I can only own my feelings, not others’. Like you, I’ve obsessed over others’ reactions to my words, as if they’re my responsibility. I’m learning to let them own their feelings, just as I’m learning to own mine.
Your courage in modeling growth by teaching him about consequences is such a loving act. He may not see it now, but one day he’ll value your strength. I do! :0)
Hugs, Carolina
Very sorry this happened to your son. My guess is he will be fine in the job market. We allnhave gave Scott a ride to work for the last 8 years. He has 6 DUI felonies. He wore an ankle bracelet for 2 years. He fell into depression and alcoholis after his wife passed from cancer. Scott will get his license back next year after he is finished with probation he has been doing great. My team leader is missing a finger. He was in a terrible accident that almost took his life along with the other in the crash. He was convicted of man slaughter. He did time in prison but was allowed work release. I am not sure how you will handle the repayment. Some things are repaind in differnt ways. Many times we don't get everything back. I hope things work out dor the best for you.