When you don't see, you can still pretend there's nothing wrong, that you're doing great in life and, if anything, it's others who're at fault.
Almost two weeks ago, I received a legal document related to my son's case; something important that we were eager to get. But I haven't read it.
When my husband yesterday asked me to forward it to him, I started to question what was keeping me from reading it.
I don't have an answer. There's some disgust, for sure. As though someone was asking me to look at the body of dead rat with its maggot-filled guts spilling out.
And I guess there's also fear. What will I find in that document?
Despite my son's attorney's having said "it's entertaining," I fear what's inside.
I fear maybe feeling compassion for the person I blame for my son's predicament.
I fear acknowledging that I blame this person, that I'm not as spiritual as I want to think.
And I fear finding myself "wrong" for blaming him. Finding my son "partially wrong," and this person "partially right."
Do I fear also seeing him as a human just trying their best in life?
Whatever those fears, I know where they all come from: my Ego.
And I know my Ego's purpose: to keep me safe in my little bubble of self-righteousness, self-pity, and self-victimization.
But that's not what I want. My purpose is to see––not to guess, invent, or distort reality.
What do you need to see to take one more step in your growth?
Love,
Carolina