#357 – What wants you to keep your blinders on?

When not seeing feels easier than seeing

When you don't see, you can still pretend there's nothing wrong, that you're doing great in life and, if anything, it's others who're at fault.

Almost two weeks ago, I received a legal document related to my son's case; something important that we were eager to get. But I haven't read it.

When my husband yesterday asked me to forward it to him, I started to question what was keeping me from reading it.

I don't have an answer. There's some disgust, for sure. As though someone was asking me to look at the body of dead rat with its maggot-filled guts spilling out.

And I guess there's also fear. What will I find in that document?

Despite my son's attorney's having said "it's entertaining," I fear what's inside.

I fear maybe feeling compassion for the person I blame for my son's predicament.

I fear acknowledging that I blame this person, that I'm not as spiritual as I want to think.

And I fear finding myself "wrong" for blaming him. Finding my son "partially wrong," and this person "partially right."

Do I fear also seeing him as a human just trying their best in life?

Whatever those fears, I know where they all come from: my Ego.

And I know my Ego's purpose: to keep me safe in my little bubble of self-righteousness, self-pity, and self-victimization.

But that's not what I want. My purpose is to see––not to guess, invent, or distort reality.

What do you need to see to take one more step in your growth?

Love,

Carolina